Sometimes the best laid plans are unexpectedly derailed by that little four letter word which we both love and hate: "Life."
After my last blog, I was burgeoning with the momentum of finishing a wonderful and inspiring class. A fire was in me and I was brimming with both excitement and productivity. My "To Do" list was diminishing at a remarkable rate and I felt on fire. Then, that night, "Life" decided to slow me down with a personal trip to the ER. Though I was released that evening, it forced me to slow down and allow my body to recover. And that is when the little demon of self doubt begins to creep in.
When you are productive, that little devil on your shoulder is drowned out by the power of your creativity and momentum. You can see your goal and how to work towards it. When you slow down, for whatever reason, that devil's voice can take prominence in your thoughts and make your goals seem far fetched and ridiculous.
Now, one thing I have learned is that, to work through a problem, you have to admit that there is one. I know, I know, that is probably the biggest "Duh" statement you've ever heard, but how many times have we tried to "work through" our feelings by denying what we feel in the first place? For example, when I used to walk into an audition, I would try to fool myself into thinking that I wasn't nervous when, in fact, I was. It took me a long time to realize that everyone who walks into an audition, at some level, is nervous. By acknowledging the fact that they, and myself, were feeling the same trepidations, it allowed me a greater sense of calm and freedom to be myself and, dare I say it, even have fun?!?
So, now it is time for me to get back on the bike that I fell off of Thursday night. First thing on my “to do” list: Reach over and strangling that little, yappy devil on my shoulder.
Oh, that felt really good!
You know, I started this blog to keep myself focused on my career and what I am doing to advance it. Sitting down today, I struggled to put my feelings of frustration into words that would propel me into action. By finally doing so, in a way, working through the problem, I feel the foggy haze of the past few days clearing enough for me to return to work with focus and energy. The ability to admit your frustrations, and perhaps to admit them publically, has a therapeutic quality. To complain bitterly is one thing, but to admit to a problem and work through it is energizing.
I'm rather enjoying this.